I’ve Missed You

What a lovely facebook post I was tagged in yesterday by the lovely Tara Cain over at Sticky Fingers.  It really brought me back to the time when blogging was fun, less competitive and we were just moms with with kids looking for ways to connect with each other, to laugh and cry about all the wonderful and sometimes painful things happening in our day to day lives. Don’t get me wrong I’m not knocking the bloggers who have monetized their blogs, more power to you, I just miss the simplicity of it all.

Nickie from Typecast struck a chord when she said it can still be that, you just have to not care about everything else and just blog.  Thank you Nickie!

So… this morning I got up, grabbed my grumpy mug, my generic kuerig… It’s a HamiltonBeach, but it has Hamilton in the title, that has to count for something, right?  I digress… Where was I? Oh yes! My Natural bliss pumpkin pie creamer, and I decided I was going to say I MISSED YOU!

I don’t know if you missed me, but I really miss the late night writing and waking up to find all the lovely comments of support, making friendships, many of which I still have on facebook.  I find myself smiling and my heart swelling when I see how much our kids have grown and how lovely they all are.  I miss the laughs, the humor and most of all I miss the relief of knowing there were and are moms out there who were just like me!

So what have we been up to these last few years?  Well, I went back to work and I’m currently employed in a high school.  I’m not a teacher, but don’t tell the officer who pulled me over yesterday because he thought I was and decided not to give me a ticket for that reason… I’ll save that story for tomorrow! My husband is still an insurance adjuster, but recently changed companies. Meg is growing up far to quickly and is, as always, my hero!  Daisy our fabulous dog is getting older and likes to hide in the bathroom when storms come, peeking her head out from behind the shower curtain like the nosey neighbor does from behind the blinds.  Finally, we have a new addition to the family… Dave The Diva, our chubby little hamster, who likes to keep me up at night with his squeaky wheel!  I might have to do a blog post about the things you don’t think about when you’re sucked into buying that adorable, fluffy, little rodent!

I know I’ve said it before, reference my last few posts, but I think I’m back! Yep! I think I’m going to give the blogging thingy a go again!  I’m not going to self host or worry about stats and  I might drive Nickie crazy with my poor grammar, but if you’re interested in watching how I slide through life one banana peel at a time (did you like that little nod to my tag line? Yes I’m that corny!) I would love to follow you and if you would like me to follow you put your link in the comments and till next time…

Disclaimer: I was not paid for nor asked to endorse the products in the crappy picture above… you’re welcome Disney, HamiltonBeach, and Natural Bliss!

PS. Thanks Tara for the look back and the reminder of why I loved blogging. *kisses*

PPS. Wow… my blog needs a little dusting!  I may have to give it a face lift!

Bit and Pieces Of Me

It bothers me that my memories come and go much like the scattered pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.  Occasionally my mind will stumble across a new piece, usually incomplete and maybe that’s how they’re supposed to be?  Maybe some of these memories are pivotal moments in my life that’ve changed me in some way, shape or form and others not so much?  What is it that makes you remember one event over another? How do those events shape and mold you? I’ve been told writing them down helps, not sure how, but I’ll give it a go…

I was on my way home for dinner after a day of playing at the park with the neighborhood kids, when I spotted Liza, an older girl who lived just up the road from us coming down the path, waving her arms at me, she seemed desperate to tell me something.  My skipping slowed to a walk as Liza yelled out to me

“Your dad’s at your house!”

I looked at her a little puzzled.

“I know that silly he always is!”

Now Liza had caught up to where I was standing and after catching her breath said

“No no I mean your REAL dad!”

A weird feeling swelled inside my stomach, but  I didn’t want to let on to Liza who looked happy and seemed to take pride in the fact that she was the first to break this news to me.

 What did she mean my real dad? I pretended to play it off

“yeah right!  I bet you 10,000 pounds he’s not!”

“You’re on!”

 Liza said confidently and then with a toss of her hair she was off down the path towards the playground I’d just come from. 

I was confused! If she was playing a joke it wasn’t a funny one.  The feeling in my stomach was getting bigger and I was feeling more uncomfortable, so with a confused and almost excited curiousity I rushed home.

I arrived at the house and could feel my stomach churning. A million thoughts must have run through my mind as I took a deep breath, turned the handle and stepped inside.   Everything happened so fast I don’t even remember if there were formalities, I just remember my suitcase was packed and my step father told me I was going on a trip with a man I was told was my dad? I didn’t get to see my mum as she was in the hospital at the time and I don’t even remember if I saw my brothers and sister before I left.  I just remember my step father shaking my dad’s hand and then we were gone. 

I don’t remember much about the trip I took to Scotland with my dad?  I remember he was tall with dark almost black hair, a beard and tinted glasses. He smiled at me and seemed happy I was with him.  I remember windy roads, getting car sick, playing bouncy ball with a boy named Dean and then the next thing I remember is what was supposed to be a short, two-week vacation to Scotland became a two-year trip to Italy.

Music Monday – Uncharted

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 My mum once told me  “Kirsten you come from a stock of very strong women and can brave whatever comes your way!”

  There have been times I’ve questioned if I was indeed cut from the same cloth as those women, but you know what I’ve decided? 

I must be  because lord knows my strength, courage and beliefs have all been tested at one time or another!  

The last couple of years have been rough and I’ve gone through some personal struggles with what I believe, where I’m going in life and who I am?  I have a tendency to put on a brave face when it comes to adversity, but truth is…

It’s just armor!

 It’s what helps me get through the moments where my heart feels it could break into a thousand pieces.  Like most,  I’ve had moments in my life where I’ve excelled and moments where I’ve fallen quite short of the mark! 

Lately though, I’ve decided to let go of the things I can’t control, just enjoy where I’m at right now and live in the present so to speak!

 As a good friend of mine would say *cough* Rachel *cough* 

“I’m a just be me!” 

I’m gonna love big, fight hard and enjoy life!

I’m learning how to be comfortable in my own skin and you know what? 

While I’ve got lots of flaws I’m also pretty damn great! 

Yeah! There I said it!  You have NO idea how hard it was for me to type that! *grin*

I’m in uncharted territory and so far… I’m liking it!

  So my pick for today is Sara Bareilles Uncharted! Enjoy!

Hello Meme my old friend!

I haven’t done a meme in a while so when @lizjarvis from The Mum Blog was looking for some people to tag I was quick to raise my hand and jump on the meme wagon.  So here goes… 

Which living person do you most admire, and why?

My mum! At times we have our differences, but she’s my rock! I don’t know what I’d do without her! 

I also admire my daughter because of everything she’s endured in her short life; she is a pillar of strength and works so hard at being a kid. 

If you meant a historical person… I really admire Alice Paul for what she endured so women would have the right to vote. 

When were you happiest?

When I was a kid, when I got married and when I had my daughter!

What was your most embarrassing moment?

You’ll have to click HERE and read!

Aside from property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?

My dining room table?

What is your most treasured possession?

My family!

Where would you like to live?

In a perfect world…

 New Zealand or Amsterdam

What’s your favourite smell?

Hmm… so many!  I love Armani Emporio perfume, Sterling Roses or Jasmine, chocolate, steak on the grill and of course BACON! Lol

Who would play you in the film of your life?

I dunno? Kate Blanchett…  Julia Styles, or maybe Mira Sorvino?

What is your favourite book?

These are just a few that come to mind!  I loved most of the Dan Brown books, Judy Blum’s Summer Sisters, The Time Traveler’s Wife, Kurt Vonnegut’s Man without a country! Right now I’m reading Water for Elephants and it’s not too shabby!

What is your most unappealing habit?

I bite my nails and I’m easily distracted.

What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?

I once wore a red, crushed velvet, pimp suit with zebra trim for Halloween, but if I had the figure, I’d love to wear a kick ass latex suit like the one Kate Beckinsale wore in Underworld! Sexy!  Sadly, right now if I tried one on I’d look like a giant Oompa Loompa!

What is your earliest memory?

Me and my best mate Sam pretending we were Ewoks from Star Wars and writing stories about the mice in her shed.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?

Chocolate! Hence the reason I can’t wear the fancy dress costume! Lol  

What do you owe your parents?

My dad – nothing! My mum – everything!

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?

To my dad! Sorry you didn’t want to be part of my life because you’ve really missed out on some amazing stuff!

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

My daughter.

What does love feel like?

Giddy, unbreakable, passionate, amazing, like all your favorite things wrapped up in one sweet package!

What was the best kiss of your life?

It would be unladylike of me to kiss and tell.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

FFS, No Worries, seriously, Umm!

What is the worst job you’ve done?

Selling magazines over the phone.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?

I would have stayed with my mum and not gone to Italy with my father. Not that I ever had a choice!

What is the closest you’ve come to death?

I’ve never really come close to death. 

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

My daughter.

When did you last cry, and why?

Two days ago, because I had a dream I was playing with my youngest nephew and I realized I’m not going to get to do that any time soon.

How do you relax?

Music, scrapbook, Twitter, Facebook

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?

Not having anxiety.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?

To cherish the things you love in life because in a moment they can be taken from you.

And now I’m tagging the following bloggers –

Run DMT

Over The Hill Mum

And 1 more means four… and 1 more

Northern Mum

From the heart…

The phone rang this morning and it got me thinking… every time my house phone rings, during the day, my heart stops and my stomach drops.  Why?  Because I’m always afraid it’s going to be that call, the one that tells me Meg had another seizure. 

It’s been almost three years since her last seizure and inside a part of me wants to blow horns and whistles and throw gobs of confetti in the air, because I know how far she’s come, how far we’ve come as a family!  It feels like everything is moving in the right direction and it is, but another part of me is guarded and doesn’t want to become complacent. 

I have many, many fears when it comes to epilepsy, because it is so complex and there are no certainties.  A seizure can happen at any time, without rhyme or reason and that scares me.  I worry about Meg when she’s at school, in the bath, sleeping and even in the future.  I worry about sunlight, water, strobe lights, videos, movies and I know when she hits puberty it may bring more seizures or (god willing) may even bring an end to them, but I can’t relax because to me relaxing is letting my guard down. 

I’ve taken a lot of shit for being over protective and guarded over the years!  Sometimes it’s cut me deep, but I will endure whatever because I will do whatever it takes to make sure my child is safe.  Meghan is a brilliant child, a beautiful child and a child who has endured watching others succeed where she has struggled.  She’s worked so hard to get to where she is today and deserves to feel excited and proud of everything she’s accomplished thus far!  I’m amazed by her, in awe of her and want to shout from the roof tops how amazing she is.  

So while I may seem over protective at times and I might shed the occasional tear or feel anxious about life’s uncertainties, the one thing I am sure of… is that I have an extraordinary child, an amazing child who never gives up and has a zest for life and what it can teach her.  I will continue to encourage and reassure her, teach her right from wrong and wrap my arms around her when she needs it most, sometime even when she doesn’t!  I will continue to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight, but most of all I will protect her, tell her how much I love her and how proud I am that she is my daughter.

I love you Meghan!

In My Heart…

The silence it’s deafening

the pain is much to great,

the thought of you not being here

just doesn’t resonate.

My head keeps spinning round and round

emotions wearing thin,

Tears fall down upon the ground

the weather from within.

You’ve always been a part of me

my heart, my life, my soul

life doesn’t always go our way,

so I know I have to let you go.

Out with the old, in with the new!

I’ve been doing a little soul searching lately and have decided it’s time to do a little spring cleaning in my life! 

You see, I’ve had this monkey on my back (Insert George Michael song here)  for twelve long years! 

I’ve allowed it to take control of my life and stop me from doing the things I enjoy. 

I’ve let it strip me of my confidence and distract me from what’s important. 

I’ve relied on others to help me fix it and have looked for instant solutions, when in reality there are no instant fixes.

I know it’s going to be a challenge and it’s not going to happen over night, but I can do this! 

I have to do this!  

I’m tired of living in fear, wondering when the next panic attack is going to strike. 

I have to retrain my thought process and take my life back.  

I’m motivated and I’m ready to take the next step. 

So stay tuned…