Sometimes I feel as though I’m being too overprotective of Meghan because she lives with epilepsy, but I guess sometimes I just don’t know where the line between normal and excessive is drawn?
We do all the normal stuff a kid her age does, we go to birthday parties, we swim (as long as my husband or I are present), we play at the park, Meg takes piano and just recently she enrolled in after school Drama Club! However, she still sleeps with us and I’ve never let her stay at someone elses house!
I mean we’ve had kids stay the night at our house, but the thought of her having a seizure at someone elses house scares me! Let’s face it seizures aren’t pretty and they can be frightening if you’ve never seen them before! Heck they still frighten me! Most of Meg’s recent seizures have been during the night or in the early morning. I guess I just have visions of her seizing or going into status and no one noticing or her aspirating and choking.
A few weeks back I had gotten up to make a cup of tea in the morning and Meg was still sleeping, in the brief time I was in the kitchen Meg had a seizure. I came back into the room to find her pillow covered in saliva and what I thought at the time was throw up, but ended up being blood mixed with saliva from her biting her tongue during the seizure. I knew the seizure could have been anywhere from a few minutes to 15 minutes long and I felt so guilty for not staying in bed till she woke and being there for her. Now I know I wont be present for every seizure she has, but I would hate to burden someone else with that guilt! Not to mention I’m not sure how comfortable my family members or her friends parents might be with having to administer rectal diazapam if it were needed? I want her to feel independent and I worry sometimes that I maybe do too much for her or that I’m too overprotective. I worry I might be stunting her independence and god forbid her confidence.
Some nights I’m up till all hours of the night because I’ve heard her swallow a certain way or because she’s done something that’s reminiscent of a previous seizure. I must ask her a million times a day how she’s doing? Sometimes if I call her for something she’ll actually say I’m fine Mom! So how do I protect her, yet still give her enough space to feel confident and be independent? How do you come to peace with your worries and fears about what could happen? I don’t want to fail her! I tell her all the time how smart and amazing she is, but is that enough?