I went to four different high schools growing up, which made fitting in or at least feeling like I fit in somewhat challenging. I didn’t get to move through the grades with that comfort of knowing my best friend or friends would be there to share each milestone, instead each year I was the new kid and had to put on a brave face in the hopes that the other kids would like and accept me into their circle.
The anxiety of being the new kid in my last year of high school didn’t really let me enjoy the experience. Let’s face it kids can be pretty cruel! I went through the motions, I made friends, I partied, I rebelled, I got my first serious boyfriend, etc… However, there was always something missing, something lacking, maybe the fear of moving again?
I didn’t get to go to prom and I wasn’t allowed to walk in my graduation ceremony, I don’t even think I was in the senior yearbook? Let’s just say High School, for me wasn’t your average Molly Ringwald or John Cusack experience, I didn’t have a Ducky to confide in and take me to prom or a Lloyd Dobler standing outside my window holding a boombox…
You know what I did have though? Music! I loved music! I would grab a tape, pop it in the stereo, fast forward to my favorite song and just jam out! Each song held a memory, a sort of soundtrack to my life experiences.
One memory I have is of a friend and I heading over to our slightly older boyfriends houses singing along, at the top of our lungs and giggling to this song. I remember we had our hair and makeup done, the smell of cheap perfume, the giddy nervousness of what the night would bring!
I dated Rob for a while unbeknown to my family who thought my weekends away were spent at my girlfriends houses. We had great chemistry and flirty banter that made me giggle and my heart beat just that little bit faster. He made me forget about school and we had a lot of really great moments! Eventually our relationship fizzled out as it became harder for me to sneak out and as another girl entered the picture, but we always stayed friends…
up until the day he took his own life.
It was a tough year but every once in a while I’ll put on this album and think about the fun times I had with him.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think if he were alive today we’d have some great life together! We were from two completely different worlds and it was your typical short lived high school romance. I’m more sorry that he’ll never get to experience some of the joys in life that I have. I guess in a way I feel I failed him as a friend and it makes me sad to think he felt that alone.